Saturday encore ~ Porch Drama

There was a knock at my office door Tuesday morning. Johnny went over to answer it. 

Good thing Smooch wasn't on indoor patrol or our guest would have run off immediately from all the barking.

Johnny: Can I help you?

Squirrel: No. Just passing through.

Johnny: Wow. Two guests in one day. This might be a record.

I loved that Johnny stood perfectly still and didn't scare them off.

It gave us a chance to watch Squirrel #2 bitch-slap Squirrel #1. 

Johnny: That was kind of nutty.

I waited a few minutes to give the squirrels a head start, then let Johnny outside to investigate.

He wisely decided to not get in the middle of the drama.

Smooch teases the squirrel

 Me: Hello, Mr. Squirrel. So very nice of you to drop by.

 Mr. Squirrel: Is that damned dog home?

 Me: Why, yes, she is. But for reasons I don't understand,

she doesn't appear to be the least bit interested in you today.

 Mr. Squirrel: Are you not feeling well?

Smooch: I feel just fine. I thought I might just stare at you for awhile first,

you know...to give you a false sense of security.

 Mr. Squirrel: How long is awhile?

Smooch: *bark bark bark bark bark* About that long.

Porch drama

There was a knock at my office door Tuesday morning. Johnny went over to answer it. 

Good thing Smooch wasn't on indoor patrol or our guest would have run off immediately from all the barking.

Johnny: Can I help you?

Squirrel: No. Just passing through.

Johnny: Wow. Two guests in one day. This might be a record.

I loved that Johnny stood perfectly still and didn't scare them off.

It gave us a chance to watch Squirrel #2 bitch-slap Squirrel #1. 

Johnny: That was kind of nutty.

I waited a few minutes to give the squirrels a head start, then let Johnny outside to investigate.

He wisely decided to not get in the middle of the drama.

Monday encore ~ They grow up so fast

It was Friday afternoon around 3:30. I had the day off from work and was deep in the throes of a DIY project 

that involved my office, the front porch, a very long drill bit, the risk for electrocution, 

and much cursing. (More on that later in the week or when I finish it, whichever comes first.) 

Anyway, I was measuring the office wall for the umpteenth time, paralyzed by doubt and indecision, 

when who should I spy outside the door but my good friend Baby Squirrel #1.

Baby Squirrel #1: Mama, the nice lady is troubled and could use some comic relief.

Mama Squirrel: How many times must we have this discussion? Do not talk to strangers.

Baby Squirrel: She's not a stranger! I met her last week and she was very nice.

Mama Squirrel: Nice and strange is more like it. Now hurry up. We've got to get back home before rush hour.

Mama Squirrel: Be on the lookout for a pig and a bunch of chickens.

Mama Squirrel: The pig might sit on you and those chickens...you don't want to know.

Baby Squirrel #1: I'm not afraid chickens. I'm not afraid of anything.

Mama Squirrel: Just be quiet and hop to it.

Mama Squirrel: This is a donkey crossing. Look both ways and don't be fooled by the masks.

Me: See you next time, kids. Thanks for stopping by. I needed that.

Saturday encore ~ Just another workday distraction

It was around 1:30 Monday afternoon. I was crazy busy, screaming at the computer monitor,

like that would help stem the tide of incoming e-mails. Out of the corner of my eye, 

I saw something run across the front porch.

Me: I did not see a squirrel run by with something in her cheek the size of a grapefruit.

Me #2: Yes, you did.

Me: No, I didn't. Now shut up and let me get back to work.

Ten minutes pass.

Me: I think I saw another squirrel run by, closely followed by something else.

Me #2: Grab the stinkin' camera and look out the window!

Me: OK OK STOP YELLING!

I pointed the camera out the office window and caught Mama Squirrel and Baby Squirrel resting on the fence.

Me: Awww, how special.

Me #2: They're probably on their way to the hay barn to eat twine. Don't get too attached.

Another 10 minutes go by.

I see Mama Squirrel run past my office door in the opposite direction. I race to the bedroom window to see where she's headed 

and watch her walking around the base of a juniper tree.

Me: Hmm...me thinks she's moving her litter from the tree to the hay barn. 

Damn bunnies must have blabbed about the free buffet.

I return to my desk and try to focus on work, but of course Mama Squirrel runs by with another baby

and I have to leap from my chair to take a picture out the window.

It was worth it.

Baby Squirrel: Wait for me!

Another 10 minutes go by and like clockwork, here comes Mama Squirrel with another baby,

carrying this one in her mouth.

Look closely and you'll see Baby's tail wrapped around the back of Mama's neck.

Mama Squirrel: Next time I'm renting a U-haul.

I walked out on the front porch and watched them scamper off to the hay barn.

Me: Guess I'll have to buy an extra load of hay.

Me #2: Maybe two. I hear they're as prolific as rabbits.

Me: Would you just shut up?

Baby Squirrel: You're both nuts. Could you pay attention to me, please?

I've been abandoned!

Me: Fear not, Little One. I'm sure your mama will be right back. Give her about 10 minutes.

Sure enough, Mama Squirrel re-appeared to take her last baby to their new home.

Me: Bye-bye! Be careful!

Me #2: Can we get back to work now?

Smooch versus the squirrel

My houseguests and I spent Saturday at Morning Bray Farm. 

After many happy hours of cute overload, we returned to the 7MSN around dinner time.

Smooch had spent the day guarding the ranch from the confines of her yard and was very happy to welcome us home.

She couldn't wait to tell us about her exciting afternoon.

Smooch: Great big squirrel! Ran behind the bench!

I knocked off the cushions! I moved the bench!

I caught the squirrel! See? I left him for you right there!

I didn't eat him. Aren't I a good dog? Where's my cookie?

Smooch's snout was swollen and had what appeared to be several claw marks, 

which the squirrel likely made while trying to escape from Smooch's clenched teeth.

Smooch had never gotten into this kind of trouble so I wasn't sure what to do,

but squirting the wounds with Vetricyn seemed like a good place to start, followed by a call to the weekend emergency vet, who told me that squirrel bites generally aren't that dangerous and I could probably wait until Monday to take Smooch to her regular vet, which I did. She will be on antibiotics for awhile to stave off any abcesses, but she'll be good as new...

...except perhaps for a scar or two on her lovely face. 

I'm amazed by how much better her wounds look after just a few days.

It will take Smooch much longer to recover from having houseguests than having an encounter with a squirrel. 

All that extra love and attention has worn her out – in a good way. 

Why didn't somebody tell me it was National Varmint Week?

It was Tuesday afternoon around 3 o'clock. I was at my desk diligently working when I heard a series of very loud chirps 

coming from the back yard. I ignored them. Then I heard them again and went out to investigate. 

I didn't see any big bird talking to himself, so I went back to work. 

A few minutes later, the chirping starts again. I get up, look out the window, see nothing, go back to work.

Then I hear the sounds of furniture being arranged on the back porch. 

Then there's a stampede in the corral, with Hank leading the charge. Then the chirping gets real loud. 

I grabbed the camera and ran outside.

Whatever was chirping was under the bench, and Smooch was trying to go in for the kill. 

I stopped taking pictures, got between Smooch and the bench and managed to pick her up

and put her in the garage before there was any bloodshed.

Squirrel: I meant no harm.

Hank: You mean to tell me all that chirping came from one little squirrel?

Wynonna: Doesn't look so little to me. I think he's been dipping into Smooch's dog chow.

If Smooch ate like a normal dog and gobbled up her food when I put down her bowl,

we probably wouldn't have fat squirrels roaming around on the porch. But no. 

Smooch likes to nibble and graze all day long. Those equines are a bad influence.

Lesson learned: make Smooch eat in the house.

Anyway, the poor guy didn't know which way to run. The paparazzi was staring him down at his left, 

and he could hear Smooch whining and carrying on in the garage at his right.

Squirrel: I'll take my chances with the pig.