Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Take your rattlesnake to town day

You're allowed one guess as to what is inside the trashcan.
If you need a hint, refer back to the title of this post.

This blog has been devoid of rattlesnake stories this year.
That is not because there haven't been any.
I just decided I wasn't going to creep you all out with 
a never-ending stream of snake-roping pictures and videos.
Because that is what it has come down to...an effin' never-ending stream.

 Rattlesnake #1
It started on Easter-eve. Smooch and I had just 
walked out the backyard gate for our evening constitutional.
Both of us heard the rattle at the same time. 
Our heads turned in unison toward the sound.
There he was, all coiled up, 6 inches away from my right heel.
Smooch was on her leash, a half step behind me. 
You know that feeling when time stands still 
and you see everything in slow motion? 
That's what happened.
Frame by frame, we watched the snake's tongue come out.
He uncoiled and struck out, and he missed both of us –
probably because we jumped a few feet in the air at just the right time.
Silly snake had recently come out of hibernation and was still sleepy, 
which is why he didn’t rattle until we were already upon him. 
I eventually got him roped and put the snake box in the truck bed,
to release him far, far away on my next trip to town.
Except I forgot he was there and ran errands all day
with a rattlesnake in a box in the back of my truck.
Beware the thief who ever tries to rip me off.

Rattlesnake #2a and #2b
Moving on to the weekend before last.
I went into the garage to find my sunglasses. 
As I got close to the workbench, I heard rattling.
"That can't be rattling," I thought. "I'm in the garage. 
There aren't rattlesnakes in my garage."
There he was, with his head and tail stuck under the door 
on the inside of the garage and his body stuck on the other side. 
How does that happen?!
He proved very difficult to rope with the snake pole, 
and by the time I caught him, I was so mad that I left the box 
in the driveway to deal with later, after we’d both had a chance to calm down. 
But when I went out to drive him down the road, he wasn’t in the box. 
Apparently he escaped through a small hole near the lid. 
(Insert string of expletives here.) 
A few hours later, I walked onto the front porch and there he was, 
all coiled up in the corner, rattling. So I roped him again, 
this time putting him in a garbage can with a locking lid, 
and drove him far, far away. 

 Rattlesnake #3
It was last Thursday night. I was sitting in the living room with Smooch, 
watching tv because it was 95 effin' degrees outside and who needs that? 
I decided to paint my toenails because ... who knows why.
So now my toes are a pretty blue and Smooch is in the guest room 
and starts barking her head off. My toes are wet and I’m shoeless,
but I hobble over to see what she’s barking at. 
Effin' rattlesnake, moseying along the concrete 
at the base of the garage wall. 
Then came the moral dilemma: 
Do I put shoes on, ruin my pretty blue toes and go rope the snake? 
Or do I preserve the pedicure and ignore the snake, 
potentially putting Smooch’s life in jeopardy the next time she has to pee? 
That took about a nanosecond to decide. 
I roped the snake, put it in the can with the locking lid,
and strapped it into the front seat of the truck,
to be released on my next trip to town.



  1. Way too many rattlesnakes!
    Smooch is THE BEST!
    Have you redone your toenails?

    1. Not yet. I hear the smeary look is in this summer.

  2. Might be time to see if it really does taste like chicken?

  3. Are you absolutely sure it can't get out of that trash can? Has Smooch been vaccinated for rattlesnake bites?

    1. Absolutely positively. And yes, Smooch got her rattlesnake vaccine booster a few months ago.

  4. I appreciate your do no harm approach...but maybe it is time to thin the ranks?
    Where we live, if people didn't hunt deer we would be over run with them like rats and they would starve. While I am not a hunter I understand the need to keep things in check.
    Lisa G in TN

  5. Wow! Blue toenail polish has always been unlucky for me too. Aunt Jean

  6. So thankful that you and Smooch are OK. And hopefully JCC stays clear of them too. Stupid snakes! I hope they wander into the girls yard and get eaten. I know you're as careful as possible, be safe out there.

  7. OMG! I hope you didn't ruin your manucure! can't but think about Johnny who is at the very front of this snake fiel. is he with you inside when it is so hot? cats hae a tendency to not drink much; I used to wet my cat when I was living in Greece and she'd love it, brought her some freshness

  8. Thank you for not showing videos. Something tells me the move to somewhere else will have an eye to lower probability of rattlesnakes. You and Smooch make such a good team though.

  9. Oh, Good Lord, not the front seat. Those little SOB's would have to be in a clear tote, so i could see them. Then the waaaaay back of the truck.
    I have my feet up on my chair as I'm typing this. LOL

  10. I vote for killing the rattlesnakes. its only a matter of time.

  11. Northern AB gal6/13/17, 8:06 AM

    Good lord, the front seat!!! That thing would be strapped in the box as far away from me as possible. I don't remember, was snakes or lack of on your list of criteria for your next location?

  12. You are way more impressive than Wonder Woman. If I knew how to properly sew - I'd mail you a cape.

  13. Really. Toes can always be redone; not so much with Smooch. Good choice. Haven't seen any rattlesnakes at our place, so far, here in sunny Tucson, even though the desert is right outside our front door. Others have, though. Sounds like you are having lots of fun with yours. And, I don't mind the rattler stories and photos.

    Linda D.

  14. I think you could get a second job by advertising snake removal and charging people to remove the rattlers from their property.....you have a really good resume. Betsy

  15. I LOVE the rattlesnake stories! Glad you relocate them. And glad they don't live around here ;-).

  16. An American in Tokyo6/13/17, 6:22 PM

    Omigosh, you need to write a book on rattlesnakes!!
    Did you take a picture of the half inside, half outside snake?!
    I think they must have all figured out that your house is the best place to spend the hot days!!

    Glad that you and Smoochie-poo are safe!!! Whew.

  17. You are a better woman than I am, trying to save every one of them. However, we both are sporting blue toenail polish! LOL!

  18. We get talking around here about trapping and releases raccoons. They get caught at one farm ... released 'down the road' to the bush and then arrive at another farm ... who then traps them ... and takes them 'down the road' to the bush where they again find the next farm ... Ha! Sort of a raccoon pub crawl. Are rattlesnakes that smart? ;)

  19. I still think it's the same one coming back...he just likes your hospitality and knows you won't kill him.
    Remember the one that started following the ranger after the release? Oh Lord that was scary!

  20. Great post, and you are one extremely brave woman, I don't believe I could do the front seat either!

  21. We are moving out to our home in Tucson in June and we have many rattlesnakes there. I am always on the lookout for them. I nearly stepped on one once. I am much more careful now but I would never kill one. I find them beautiful and fascinating. Plus they were there first. They do have places where you can take your dog to train them on how to stay away from them but you probably already know about that.