Monday, June 9, 2014

Bovine before breakfast

Our story begins Thursday evening. Smooch and I hopped in the Ranger to check on the herd and say goodnight.
It was getting dark and I saw no point in taking the camera. Big mistake. As we got to the far reaches of the back 40,
I spotted Hank and Lucy and George and Alan and ? Who in the hell was that?
We got a little closer and saw a cow, nibbling on our grass inside our fence line. Grrrr.
I saw the telltale loopy line of fence tape where she had jumped through,
oblivious to the electrical charge that zapped her. Damned cow.

You'll have to use your imagination to see what ensued. I tried to herd her back toward the stretched fence
in the Ranger. Smooch was barking. I was laughing. Hank, Lucy, George and Alan were stampeding.
Total mayhem. I finally decided it was getting too dark for such nonsense and gave up.
At some point during the night, the cow – desperate to get back to her own herd –
would figure a way out of the fence and be gone by the morning.

I was wrong. I opened my eyes Friday morning and there she was, right outside my bedroom window. 

Cow: What time is breakfast?

Hank: We tried to ditch her last night, I swear.

Hank: Please tell me you're not going to adopt her.
Me: Not if I can help it.

I closed Hank and the herd in the barn and set out to convince the cow to leave.

That didn't go too well.

The yuccas are in full bloom and must be very tasty.

If you think she looks grumpy, you should have seen me. I hadn't had my coffee.

I opened the nearby gate.
I was sure I could herd her through it, down the driveway and out of my hair.

I was wrong again. She had no intention of leaving and headed the opposite direction.
I headed for the garage and got the Ranger.

Around and around the pasture we went.

Finally, I was able to push her out the gate. I could almost smell the coffee.

A hundred more yards or so and she would be out the front gate and I could hit rewind on the morning.

Wrong again.

To be continued...


  1. Poor Hank. As the designated herd boss, he looks a bit perplexed about the situation and his lack of authority over Miz Angus.

    First question : does the fence have enough charge to convince the cows to stay on their side?
    Next question : is there a cattle prod in your future?

    M in NC

  2. As the Ranch Turns............

  3. I vote keep the cow, she is a perfect addition to your menagerie

  4. Oh Gawd! I can relate. Nothing happens at my place without coffee.

    BA SP

  5. Oh, a hundred yards is a LONG way in animal land...

  6. Do you have a cup holder in the Ranger? If not, take care of that on your next trip to town and then don't start on this sort of stuff again until you've got your to-go cup in your hand.
    Not trying to be bossy, just some advice from my position here at the computer with my coffee by my side.

  7. Ahhh, please, can we keep her?

  8. Darn free loading neighbours eh ! ;p

  9. I'm thinking it's perfectly legal at this point to be pondering steak dinners and pot roasts.

  10. Awww, she just wanted her 15 minutes of fame.

  11. This is no stupid cow. Who wouldn't want to live at 7MSN.

  12. Maybe she got disowned by her herd.
    Maybe she thinks the grass is greener on your side of the fence.
    Maybe she heard the 7MSN Ranch was a good place to take a vacation.
    Maybe the aliens dropped her their.
    Maybe she's in love with Hank. (who could blame her)
    Maybe I need to stop drinking coffee.

  13. me thinks I would have gotten my coffee first....just sayin' lol

  14. oh my freakin gosh! that is too hysterical. we've got the hillbilly music cuing again, don't we! reminds me a little of the episodes where George and Alan were chasing each other round and round and round!
    and by the way, i am loving all the comments too. Carson, you have some clever friends, don't you!

  15. poor you an dpoor cow. she looks like she is begging to stay and that she needs it, she looks thin and in need of food

  16. Can not wait for the continuing story!!!!!!!

  17. That cow knows where the good life is and I'm sure she wants to be adopted.

  18. You are the best story teller ever!

  19. It's a good thing you've got Fridays off or you'd have been late logging in to work. (I guess you log in (on?) to have a record of your time.) I know you prefer Trader Joe's coffee over others, but do you grind your beans fresh every morning? If not, it might not be a bad idea to set up the pot before going to bed and let a timer start it for you in the morning. That way you can just pause long enough to fill a travel mug and take it with you when you go out to greet the herd. Besides eating your grass, messing up your fence, and taking you away from your coffee while you dealt with her and your herd, I bet Ms. Cow left you a few patties near the house, too. At least she gave you some really good blog material for a few days.

  20. Johnny Cash Cat might like fresh cream? Of course, BBQ steaks would be nice too.....

  21. I think Ms. Cow was possibly thirsty

  22. An American in Tokyo6/9/14, 7:04 PM

    Cliffhanger!!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo~!!!!
    (I can't wait until tomorrow!)