Saturday, February 9, 2008

Living alone, the safety factor, and death by iPod

Living by myself in the middle of nowhere, I am acutely aware of the consequences of mishandling power tools, or getting dumped off a horse and landing in cactus, or trying to kill a rattlesnake with a shovel. There's nobody around to save me but myself. So I try to remember to keep my cell phone in my pocket when I'm outside (and hope that it will have a signal when I really need it), and I'm always listening to the voice inside my head that says "don't do something stupid" whenever I plug in a saw or stand on a ladder.

My daily walk with Smooch is not supposed to be a situation when I have to concern myself with safety. Ok, there were a few times when the neighbor's cows charged us, but I know now to carry a few rocks to throw in our defense. I never thought my iPod could cause me grievous harm. Silly me. The first time this happened, I blew it off as a coincidence; the second time, I learned my lesson. Will there be third time? If I'm found dead in the mud room, you'll all know why.

Here's what happens. I get home with Smooch from our walk. I stand in the mud room and start to take off various layers of winter clothing...the hat, the gloves, the scarf. I'm still listening to the iPod since a podcast or a good song hasn't ended. The iPod is in the front pocket of the Carhartt quilted barn jacket I'm wearing. Have I mentioned that I live in the high desert and the air is very dry? I unzip the jacket, start to remove it and ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPP!!! A charge of static electricity stronger than a jolt from my electric fence courses through my entire body and practically knocks me against the wall. I hate it when that happens.

Now all I have to do to prevent this from recurring is, of course, remember to turn off the iPod and remove it from my pocket BEFORE I take off my jacket. A no-brainer, right? Wrong. Any activity that begins with the word "remember" already has two strikes against it. Alas, spring will be here soon, I won't have to wear a jacket, and the warming temperatures might thaw out my brain.


  1. Oh my gosh!! Your post was funny enough (was it supposed be? yowch!) But the 'dead-person-outline-on-the-ground' thang totoally cracked me up! Bwahahaaha!

    Girl, you've got a fantastically sick sense of humor! Love it!!

  2. Good for people to know.

  3. Lmao the outline sent me over the edge. You have to be more careful living alone I don't think Smooch is ready just yet to continue your blog or lead an ipod irescue.

  4. You absolutely have to use this one for an encore.

    Have you managed to keep from getting shocked this winter?