Monday, September 30, 2013

Wynonna's great escape

It was around 6 o'clock Saturday evening. 
Ranchsitter #5 looked out the office window and asked me, "Is Wynonna allowed in the corral?"
"Wynonna's in the corral??" I ran to the window to see for myself.
Sure enough, there was Wynonna in the corral, walking around by the stock tank.
Luckily, there was not an equine in sight. We both scurried outside to herd her back to her stall.


Joey gave Wynonna a stern lecture about the dangers of running away from home,



which went in one ear and out the other. Wynonna's only concern was 
where she could get a pretty pink pedicure just like Joey's.




Wynonna refused to take accountability for her actions,
claiming she was simply taking advantage of the opportunity presented by an unlatched gate.



Wynonna: You were late with my post-dinner treats, and I got bored waiting.
A girl needs a little adventure now and then.



Interestingly, while off on her adventure, Wynonna left a message for Lucy and the boys 
right in front of their stock tank – a pile of pig poop! She's more opinionated than I thought.



Wynonna: I'll take those treats now.


Sunday, September 29, 2013

Things my ranchsitter taught me #2


Behold the banana – the perfect fruit. Tastes great, comes in its own wrapper, and is filled with potassium 
for those of us who are newly potassium deficient. I'm under doctor's orders to eat a banana a day. 
No problem. I love bananas. But little did I know until Ranchsitter #5 arrived 
that I have been eating them the wrong way all my life. 

How is possible to eat a banana the wrong way, you ask?


If you peel the banana from the stem end, as I've always done, you have all those pesky strings to deal with.
I don't like to eat the strings, so I painstakingly strip them off with the peel.



If you peel the banana from the other end...



...the strings come off by themselves!

This is not some internet rumor. I've been eating my bananas this new way all week and will vouch for it.
The most interesting part of this story is how Ranchsitter #5 learned this fun fact.
Her husband's (Hi, Brownie) oldest cousin was the ape handler at the Salt Lake City zoo.
He told her that the apes ate their bananas this way.
Animals are so smart.





Saturday, September 28, 2013

Saturday encore ~ The secret language of donkeys

I've always assumed that donkeys use their ears just to listen, pointing them in the direction of particular sounds. 


Now I'm not so sure. 



Lucy, are you trying to spell something?



T...



V...

You want your own TV in the barn?


Friday, September 27, 2013

Beware of Alaskans bearing gifts

Ranchsitter #5: Smooch want a Yummy Chummy?



Smooch: What's a Yummy Chummy?



Smooch: Nom nom nom nom nom...this is not a flavor I've had before.



Ranchsitter #5: Wynonna want a Yummy Chummy?



Wynonna: Yes, please.

Who wouldn't want a dog treat made with wild Alaska Salmon and flavored with bacon?




Johnny: I sense I'm missing out on something important.



Johnny: I like the way your hands smell.



Johnny: I wonder what Alaskans taste like?
Probably chicken.




Thursday, September 26, 2013

Girls just gotta have fun

I'll be really glad when I can crawl around in the dirt taking pictures of the animals and the subject matter 
of this blog returns to its normal fare. In the meantime, all I've got for you is the mundane daily chronicle 
of what's going on inside the house. Today's episode features Ranchsitter #4 instructing Ranchsitter #5
in the fine art of wound packing. Instead of closing my eyes as I usually do, 
I stuck the camera in front of my face, which is the next best thing.

They donned their surgical masks and threatened to hurt me if I took any unflattering pictures.





The honey seems to be doing its magic and the hole gets smaller every day.
I still think honey belongs on a sopaipilla and not my stomach, but who am I to argue?



This is Danni measuring the right amount of packing strip.
The lengths we bloggers go to for blog fodder...



I try not to think about where it's all going.



I was telling Danni and Joey how funny they looked at this angle.
They were telling me how funny I looked with a camera on my forehead.



When all was said and done, my nurses did a happy dance 
and the sterile cotton tip wand was passed from Danni to Joey.
Ethel, I hope you're watching this...you're next!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Good things come in tall packages

Ranchsitter #4 went into town yesterday to pick up Ranchsitter #5 and do a few errands for me.

Good thing the list of errands wasn't any longer. The truck was overflowing by the time they got back to the ranch.



Meet Ranchsitter #5 – Joey, who came all the way from Alaska! Joey and her husband, Brownie, 
were my neighbors in Alexandria, Virginia, a lifetime ago. We haven't seen each other in 15 years, 
but this is a friendship that has stood the test of time.


Joey wasn't the only gift stuffed into the back of the truck.
There was also this box from the UPS man. What could be inside?



It took awhile to figure it out.



Isn't he handsome?



I had to make sure I could wrangle him, though, just in case he ever gets out of control.


Thank you, Anne! I couldn't love him more, and he will have a place of honor in the sunroom.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Things my ranchsitter taught me #1

My ranchsitters are not only taking care of my every need, they're teaching me all sorts of cool stuff.
This tip is courtesy of Ranchsitter #3, CeeCee. It is incredibly useful for people with gut wounds and/or
people who might have one too many helpings of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving.


The infamous gut wound happens to be directly behind the button on my jeans, so the last thing I want to do
is fasten the button and put pressure on it. However, I also don't want my jeans to fall down.



Enter the elastic ponytail holder, although a rubber band would also work.



Loop it over the button and through the buttonhole...



...and there you have it – an extra inch of waistband and no arrests for public indecency.

Thanks for the t-shirt, Mikey!


Monday, September 23, 2013

The Dark Side of Ranchsitting, a.k.a. As the Stomach Turns

In addition to animal feeding, hay moving, and general ranch chores, the 7MSN Ranchsitter job description includes 
"accompanying Carson to doctor appointments and paying attention and looking at gross stuff so she doesn't have to."


Ranchsitter #4 hauled me to a follow-up appointment with the surgeon on Friday and, of course, 
exceeded all expectations in her assigned duties. She let me use her iPad in the waiting room
so I could read all your comments/hugs on the blog.




The medical group staff could tell they were dealing with a couple of bad-ass cowgirls by the caked-on mud on our boots. 
We tried not to leave a trail. Anyway, the appointment went very well; the infected wound is healing nicely,
and we should be able to stop packing it in another three weeks.

I haven't told you this before because it's so gross, but when I was readmitted to the hospital
with the mysterious infection, the doctors sliced open about 2" of the original healed-over incision to let the infection out. Basically I have this gaping hole in my gut that now needs to heal from the inside out. The hole needs to be repacked daily with a very long piece of gauze (think 1 inch wide by 3 feet long). Just before I left the hospital, the nurses showed me the proper packing technique and I was able to do it myself. However, I am so grossed out by the process that I've shown Ranchsitters #3 and #4 how to do it so I can just close my eyes and pretend it's not happening. 



After the appointment, we rewarded ourselves with burritos at a dive in Albuquerque's South Valley.
I'm certain Walter White and Jesse Pinkman once sat at this very table. Danni had something spicy and scrumptious; 
I stuck with the mashed potato burrito. All of which is to say I'm working my way up to real food 
and all systems are working just fine.


The rest of this post is not for the squeamish, as I will attempt to demonstrate what goes on during 
the daily wound repacking sessions. (Ranchsitters #5 and #6, this is what you've got to look forward to.)

First we close Smooch out of the room, which she does not appreciate one bit
but we don't want her to hop on the bed and assist during "the procedure."




Then the ranchsitter prepares all the necessary equipment.



I take my place on the bed and peel off the sticky tape and 4x4 gauze covering the wound.
Then I close my eyes very, very tightly because this next part is beyond gross.
The ranchsitter removes the packing tape from the hole, inch by inch by inch.
It doesn't hurt a stinkin' bit, but Danni mentioned it looks like a giant tapeworm, and ever since then 
I just pretend I'm somewhere else. 

What comes out must go back in, so then another 3 feet of packing tape gets stuffed back in the hole,
layer by layer with a sterile cotton swab. But first a teaspoon of honey goes in the hole. Go figure! 
It's supposed to make the wound close up faster. Then the hole gets covered with a couple of 4x4 gauze pads 
and lots of sticky tape. 

Then I return from my out-of-body experience, safe in the knowledge that I've got another 24 hours
before having to go through this again. Mercifully, Ranchsitters #3 and #4 have been creepily fascinated by the whole process and seem to enjoy it. Now that I've described it in such detail, I can only hope Ranchsitters #5 and #6 don't cancel their plane reservations.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Someone else does the heavy lifting

Ranchsitter #4 and I  caught up on ranch chores yesterday. We rearranged the hay supply and the feed room
so that everything would be organized for winter. Danni did all the work...



...while I stood around pointing out where things needed to go. 




How Danni keeps a smile on her face when lifting a 60-pound hay bale remains a mystery.




We checked the fence line...




...and made a very important discovery.




One of George's missing fly masks!




Dinnertime rolled around and Danni suggested using the grill.
Smooch and I warned her that it hadn't been used in several years because of a recurring problem
and maybe we should make something on the stove instead.




She agreed.